A lot has transpired since June of 2010 and if you have went beyond the home page you’ll note my travels. I do have one more to post, but much photo editing to do before that happens. Needless to say, that I have said good bye to the very turbulent year of 2010 and a big HELLO to 2011.
My mother’s death was not a surprise, nor was her illness. She had smoked for over 40 years; but, the surprise was her unwillingness to fight it or attempt to concede to possibly living within the confines of palliative and managing in that vein. She stopped eating, stopped living and simply called it quits. Although, rationally and with the help of much counseling from the hospice nurses, chaplains I now understand, that is how some cope. Cleaning out her cabinets, closets, drawers and finding what is left behind is sometimes sad, mostly puzzling and a continued surprise for me.
What she kept all these years amazes me, notes, cards, letters, calendars, etcetera. Any little bow or box that one of us sent her. Going through her jewelry, I find things I remember her wearing as a child, but then once my dad passed~ never seeing and wondering where it went; and finding it now in a box, marked cleverly, “Mementos from Bob”. She really missed him and for 17 years must have pined for him in ways I can only imagine. Other surprises are that during her illness, medications seemed to come up missing from her ordered meds and we’d wonder and assume they were either not filled or delivered; but, they were. They were hidden in socks and other odd places. From herself or us, her caregivers. I don’t understand that behavior as they were medications that would have lessened the symptoms or the effects of the treatment; but of course, they would not have cured. I guess, I’ll never know. But, once we would go to reorder, she always said “no”.
Looking back, it was hard to let her give in, but it is what she wanted. She’s with dad now…and I hope happier.
On another note, 2010 brought me my first joy or so society heralds as one of the JOYS of growing older. Notice I didn’t say growing old; as I don’t believe we grow old we grow older and we continue to live our lives to the fullest as able. But, my son and his now wife, gave us the biggest Christmas present he’s ever given. A beautiful little grand-daughter. She was born on the cusp of the New Year. All seven pounds, thirteen ounces of little girl; sugar and spice and as sweet and demure as they get. She is dark-haired and well we have our fingers crossed ‘blue eyes’ like her dad and the most beautiful olive complexion her mother offered her. Can you imagine ‘knock out’? We can and well we may have to hire security when she is 16. We’ll see.
So, this is why I was away for so long, managing life and death in the same month and with such support and love from many…I wish I knew how to thank you all. I guess this is the only way I can. Thank you for always being a part of my life…
Oh…and HELLO, 2011~ Ready to rock? I am, let’s get the party started.
RESOLUTION’s are made to be broken…but with all good intentions attempted:
1. Bestow kindness to everyone, whether they deserve it or not.
2. Minimize the attitude, “that it’s a bad day”; I’ve gotten too used to that excuse.
3. Stay on task in whatever I’m doing, work, play, every day stuff…anything I do. Basically, stop procrastinating.
4. Never stop dreaming. Give in to my inner child at least once a month, because it will help with the above resolutions.
5. Watch the spending…awwww, this one will be hard. But, I’m always broke on rainy days.
6. Indulge myself and my family as much as possible; especially, the grand-baby!
7. And, above all, attempt to watch at least one football game with hubby without bitching!
With that said, and seven being as lucky and common a number as ever…Wish me Luck! I’m gonna need it!