Sexual Progressiveness [a woman’s view]

Men and Women are Just ‘Hot Wheels’ in Disguise


You know life is one ironic, moronic adventure after another when you meet the perfect guy and they tell you it is only ‘casual’; you agree with them because you recognize it is at the least only karma that you met at all. You agree because you realize that you can’t keep letting adventure pass you by, and you agree because you believe strongly that letting it pass by would be worse than going with the flow or giving into the moment. As a woman, I agree because I believe wholeheartedly in the idea of Progressive delineation of the myths surrounding the sexes; and I recognize we are both after the same thing, and not to mention they are probably hot, and I like that they are ‘seemingly honest’ but mostly because there is no need for ‘small talk’ or ‘beating about the bush’~

Maybe you talk, have coffee, a drink, dinner or just skip that altogether…

There’s really nothing saying any relationship is anything more than ‘casual’ these days. You meet, you think ‘great sense of humor’ and ‘nice ass’ or ‘nice eyes’ and everything else slips into motion, so what is the harm? There is no harm, or foul in the fleeting moments of attraction. It’s only what happens in between when that attraction is acted upon. Why guys can’t be as honest in the end, giving some type of closure, so that gals don’t repeat the faux pas again and again. Guys and gals are wired differently, and it is not fair; and all the reading, research and emulation of how guys or gals think doesn’t save us from our own wiring, and certainly not our bodies reaction to one another. It’s not fair! Ladies, even when we attempt to mimic their vibe of accepting ‘casual’ as the norm, they disrespect our effort. Most guys want Betty Crocker in the kitchen, wearing only a thong, [unless it is a dinner party and they have invited company over], and a minx in the bedroom, wearing nothing at all; and somehow always ready at their whim and perhaps, simultaneously. We gals, on the other hand, just want them ‘ready, hard and willing to please us’, knowing at any moment, if we suggest the L word, any L word~we’ll never see them again, and what was hard and energetic will fizzle and retreat. So smart, progressive gals don’t use the L word! Progressive women don the thong and even if company is coming over.

So if it is casual, why do guys give the sense it means ongoing, but casual; and mostly why don’t they ever call again, leaving you to wonder, breathless and wanting more of them?

Jumping ahead, guys are better at playing this game of ‘casual’ relationships much better than we gals are. I’m not going to lie, I try to put on the illusion that I don’t care or that it doesn’t matter if they don’t return the calls, or that their suggestion I call and keep calling, because I do believe they are soooooo busy that they forget. Bullshit, guys set you up with that line of crap, and we all know it [that might not be completely true]. Then they put you down or give the silent treatment for doing exactly what they asked you to do in the first place. But, that is only the tip of the iceberg of what is really going on. Guys say they like the chase, but most are lazy and only chase in the first five to ten minutes; and, they hate it when gals chase [or do they?]. Once they catch you then they blow you off with no explanation. Because the explanation is the same one they used when they were five as to why they liked one Hot Wheel car over another within zero to sixty seconds of getting a new Hot Wheel and dissing the rest of their collection. “Shiny!” They claim they believe in honesty, and that is and should be our first clue, ‘they’re as frightened of making a mistake just as much as we gals are’.  Shiny is often just lurking around the corner for either of the sexes.

My hypothesis, is the old school lines don’t work anymore with gals; we’ve heard it all, so guys attempt honesty but come across as blunt and crass; some of us think that is a teensy bit risky for any male and give them kudos. They put it all on the table, see who nibbles or who doesn’t slap them and walk away in disgust. Progressive gals get that; we don’t slap, but we smirk and say “Sure, why not.” We think, ‘cool this guy is Progressive, too.’ But, once they have you they resort back to the old cliche’ of simply being cads and assume ‘easy’, and not Progressive. Personally, I like a guy who is upfront, says it like it is or how it is going to be; but then I expect that they carry through with the same blunt honesty if things go south, as well. As a Progressive I’m more or less disappointed when men resort to ‘old school’.  Let’s face it, being ‘honest’ requires a certain amount of emotional aptitude. And…

Guys can’t deal with feelings quite the way we gals can; yeah we, gals have known that since our daddies first allowed us to put lipstick on and bat our eyes at a guy. Progressive gals know this much better than the average Mary Sue, and we adjust the bell curve so that all involved wins [just like public school does nowadays]. So those of us progressive gals who meet the perfect guy and he lays on blunt honesty, we trust that when it ends, he doesn’t leave loose ends, strings, keep us thinking he’s interested, just to walk away and never call and leaving us hanging wondering what we did wrong or worse, who is the shiny new ‘hot wheel’.  Progressive gals only wanna know so we don’t make the same mistakes over and over. But, that isn’t the case,  and in my humble opinion, guys have no idea what progressive means in casual or ongoing relationships. They do anything, to get in your pants, leave you hanging, and then pick up on a ‘shiny’ new hot wheel…and, seriously, ladies if there were no double standard in most societies~ we would do the same, and well, some do…

There I said it…the catalyst of why males and females cannot seem to equalize the boudoir playground. Satin sheets are not the only slippery slope in the boudoir. It is the primordial wiring in both sexes, but some of us have tried to compensate, GUYS!. Women think love and know sex is afoot [Progressive women consider sex a benefit]; and Men see only sex, but think love might bloom and that worries them; but then there is that C word and that makes them bolt. However, men don’t want to hear the L word; and Progressive Women know never to whisper it, because it is the kiss of death and silence in not just a casual relationship, but any relationship, unless the male brings it up first. Because men cannot whisper it back without freezing at the thought of the C word. However, both words hang in the balance of our primordial psyche and I hate giving psychic credo here to men [because no one has seen a psychic male since Johnny Carson played Karnac], but I think they sense it even if it never leaves our lips. Most Progressive women aren’t thinking about either the C or the L word until the guy is; we’re thinking fun, perhaps about our own facsimile of ‘hot wheels’ and oh my god, can we do this again, and again~ and when? Because lets face it the old adage ‘a good man is hard to find’ or ‘don’t let a good HARD man get away’~same difference to most of us Progressive thinking gals.

So, guys, we get that you can’t deal~ and we give you ample credit for that. A bell curve has been set up for that, guys. We know that you can’t articulate a single emotional thought, so there is no reason to run and hide when emotions come up into the sexual arena; because sex is highly charged with emotional pleasures and occasional grit. We won’t hold it against you if you just give us some idea [even if it is discussed in Second Person and filled with all the blandness of a techno journal] of why it isn’t working or what we can do better. Maybe some gals will cry and get overly upset, but they aren’t Progressive. So when you meet one who is, give them the same respect you would one of your guy friends and keep the honest bluntness flowing, and throw in a stat or two from the latest Hockey or Football game. We’ll love you for that~but we won’t use the L word until you do first. We’ll just punch you in the arm and say let’s get naked, buddy~ Eh?

Give those of us, who do care to know how to better our chances with your species, a fighting chance. Employ open communication, honesty, and return the freaking phone calls even it means you have to conclude the relationship over.


Remarking on the Emperor’s New Clothes~

[Ode to a Narcissist]

Disdain is reserved for such a pretentious EGO,
Such as YOU~
In the din of such patronizing elitism.
Yes, I took the chance
And, I believed your tales and lies.
Your dalliance and flirtation,
Was my drug then, and~
Yet, as I sit upon the horizon;
Looking back upon many a time spent with you~
I realize…
I was looked upon as a foolish object by~
And you can’t hurt me anymore, or push me lower.

I will rise from the muck,
I will shake off the snubbing;
I will shake off all the innuendo, and
Mostly the knowledge of YOU~
Who seeks to condescend
and demoralize everyone within reach,
If only to feed their own inequity, or their own self-loathing.
There is no queue for discord
In my life any more~
Your haughtiness defines YOU,
Not me.

Your battle cry and call for change
Is a smokescreen that only fools and idiots rush
To and fro, and hear your caterwaul~
Of injustices; but the injustices are within YOU.
There is no kindness, no loyalty, no
Tolerance in your heart for humankind.
Your eyes speak loudly of
Arrogance and disregard
Of any trinket or regard given to you~
You have no remorse, no care of anyone;
And, You are defined by action and words,
All spoken so vile and cruel by you.

Where I once beset loyalty upon you;
I now feel indifference.
Where I once heard your whimper of loneliness~
I now simply pity you and without any sense of caring, now.
I don’t feel the sting or pain of your
Haughty loathing, though
It reminds me only
That I was a fool~
And YOU….

Are a snob.

Suffering Fools~

It seems fitting that I write in February of love gone wrong. All of us at times find ourselves lending our hearts or bearing them on our shoulders to narcissistic fools who delight in one thing~ that of suffering unto fools. This may seem sad, but au contraire’ it is in delightful realization of victory, albeit the learning was sad~

(Written in the vernacular of prose)

Thoughts on Suffering Fools~

A year passes, and a sensation that seemed to blaze only eight fortnights has also come full circle into being. Infatuation, friendship, love, lust, or simply admiration~ there is no word I wish to attach to the sensation, now~ other than FOOLISHNESS. It just seemed to happen and in an instance, following an insult and invocation of cynicism~it was gone. However, I’d be lying if it didn’t take some time for my puny brain to realize the true nature of what had happened, as my heart beat wildly in my chest insisting and resisting the eloquence of what I knew was so right, and yet wrong.

Yet, heed the steps of suffering such a fool~

Foolishness~ the act of believing in something trivial and still smitten with the idea of credibility, albeit at one’s own expense. The lighthearted sense that kindness is a virtue that benefits both; and that loyalty is true in all hearts the same.

Scorn~would raise its ugly head and despair would be the solace of what I now felt and what I had once thought. Scorn at the insult and mockery of just what the fuck had happened; and the vagueness of explanation. Being sensible I didn’t stay within the grips of scorn long. Although, suffering fools can be arduous~ I seemed the only fool.

Gullibility~ now I blamed myself for thinking and spending too much time in the effort of this sensation. I looked for ways around the issue and certainly reconsidered my previous pathway and yet, I would learn~ I had no reason to blame myself.

Acceptance~ Simply put, there is nothing I did wrong, and perception was the cruel sword and the villain was in the beholder and the messenger. Tolerance became my soulmate to conquer the sense I had been wronged. For if wronged, there was no method of conviction against such an accusation, and I would still be square one~a fool.

Realiity~ One cannot lose something they never had. The sensation no matter how vital it seemed THEN, was no more and quite possibly was never real to behold. It was an illusion, a prank and an uncaring, misgiving knave~ and my perception, was the one flawed.

Success~ I lost nothing but I gained credibility for what is truly important in life, as the memory and the lesson will remain forever with me, and should such a sensation come again~ I’ll gladly skirt the line and ignore the feeling and the effort of such a fool.

And, thus my own sense of foolishness abandons me in the exclamation of such a win.

Happy Valentines Day to all those who love either foolishly or with the vigor of such emotion~ All are a win. For to never love is a fate worth than death.

First Post of the New Year & Onward~

 photo cooltext897784955_zps16a1c9ba.png My Comeback to the world of blogging and perhaps, the land of the living. I’ve been gone too long~

I could wax on and on about the trials I faced in 2012, but WHY? The tribulations were necessary, I guess and thus a learning curve. LIFE in essence is a learning curve, and the experiences are but perception and illusion on many occasions. It is not where we have been, but how we perceive the chaos or the calm; and more so how we struggle and cope; and even more, how we conquer and learn from those experiences that matters in the end. It is like ‘hating’ math and yet you know you have to take the math test; fail or succeed~you move on. Same difference. Hint: I hate math, never do well, and yet I can add and subtract, multiply and divide to get through the existence of every day life. Although, I’m not a rocket scientist when it comes to math. So what! I am able to GIVE in other ways toward the furthering of humanity or others.

The end of 2011, I was on top of the world, and had finally made the venture from where I was to where I am today; I thought I was invincible, but would soon be reminded just how freaking mortal I was. Whoops! And now, alone and only a cell phone to link me with my closest friends and family. Oh boy! I struggled through and won the battle, and that really is all that matters in the end; when all is said and done. But, while in the battle, I thought and sometimes hoped I would not succeed. That reminder of that insult and assault to my life in the end of 2011, would lend itself and lead me into 2012 and become my biggest obstacle to success in any endeavor; UNTIL~

Brony Documentary? Discord? The somehow virtual canonization and sainthood of Bronies caught my attention. Are you kidding? Seriously? And John de Lancie, our omnipotent being from Star Trek leading the crusade. Has he lost his mind? And, what of Star Trek fans who adore him? It was unbelievable? Or was it insight that only a forward thinking persona like John de Lancie could consider. Those of us who had been hurt and traumatized by the 4Chan couldn’t see the forest for the trees. As an elitist Role-Player online, I was one of them. (although that was hardly the cataclysmic event in my life). Wanting and desiring to know how this was to unfold became a much needed distraction to what truly plagued me. I wanted to live and see this through. I actually had something that was fantastic to live for; and it gave new meaning to all the minutia in my life. I began to work harder on my obstacles and thusly began to live again. Then I could truly open my mind, heart and ears and HEAR the message. The message would bring about a change~a paradigm to how I looked at my own personal situations, and I could unravel the troubles and move on.

A long-time role-player of Star Trek, I THOUGHT I knew what Brony meant. The words despicable, crazy, gutter-snipe, 4Chan, college kids with no lives and money, and loathesome men who love MLP came to mind, and with all the interest of watching lions rip them apart in the coliseum; which is what most of US wanted. They took up virtual space and perverted a little girls show to the point of nausea. They littered Twitter with arguments of why this was OKAY, and WHO are WE HURTING? Cried and through tantrums due to persecution from each other, gamers other role-players; it was endless. Now they were invading the sanctum of Star Trek and “Q” was leading the cause and even more comparing Trekkies to this band of Tawdriness. What was happening in the world today that would bring an intelligent actor to this act of sensationalism? Most importantly, how was what was happening in the world today; that is, what affected me to just want to give up? That was my question for myself and I found my answer.

Apathy invades the reality of our world today. People in general do not give a shit about their fellow man, their neighbors or the plight of those that suffer to high crime, high gas prices, high inflation, and steady decline of our morality in this country; and that most of us know we are NOT, but in essence are just an island among many with no adjoining currents to the other. Oh a sweet, reflective analogy, but the truth. Oh yes, we certainly on occasion speak of it; whispering our thoughts, but never giving any virtue to a compromise or that we actually CARE. In general, the media continues the apathy by delighting in reporting minutia and keeping the sense of altruism at an all time low. We, as the PEOPLE, have drawn lines in the sand and we have become so accustomed to only our own gray matter views; that we don’t even notice the sparkly colored views of a paradigm. We don’t look at the world in the way we did as children and ask, “WHY?” Because we non-Bronies and mostly, CONSERVATIVES assume someone else will fix it and then we forget about it, and all in the manner of the way we forget what we had for lunch. We are an apathetic bunch of assholes who live our lives without Harmony, Magic, or even the remote hunger for such. But, Bronies~ and perhaps NOT those who dabble in R34 and GrimDark [but perhaps, given a chance, they do from time to time] ~Bronies, DO seem to look FORWARD. They see the world a little shinier, a little sparklier and because they hear a message in a little Girls show that tells these men, venture on and be good to one another; Love and Tolerate the shit out of others, life and it will get better. Wow? And, they go a few steps forward and step into generosity like no other group of savages in our society, they GIVE and give to the community, et al, without so much thought of themselves. And, all because of a message in a show about colorful ponies that was created by Lauren Faust to interpret the awkwardness of friendship and guide little girls through the mayhem. Unbelievable?

I was in awe in some ways now, because I had never seen this side of Bronies on the internet. Fluttershy became my pony of interest. She is like me in some ways, maybe not as smart, but she is shy like I am. I began to research them even more, and, only because I could not fathom the intellectual downsize in an actor I much thought was brilliant. I have to say, he still is as brilliant as the character, Discord he played on MLP; and perhaps, even a tad Omnipotent as Q, and as himself, even more so, because he SAW that Bronies aren’t what I thought initially. They are in essence Brainiac’s like myself and like me~ and others I know, who still must be convinced.Their fandom is real and their altruism for society is more advanced than most other fandoms.

Bronies are composed of Moderate Thinkers, Creative Types and mostly Brainy Hipsters or Brainiac’s~We THINK too much; but for the GOOD of society and like Trekkies want to see the same Utopia in the future. Who would have thought? And perhaps, that is the altruism that set the world on its axis in the fictional account of Star Trek. Who knows? All I know is that when you hear and see the message, it causes a burst of warmth and sets about a transition in your being you can’t ignore.

In conclusion, I would have allowed myself to drown in self-pity and denial if it had not been for this and much more the last 8 months~ I looked FORWARD to something and I learned to push forward myself into situations I normally would shy away from~ I became more LIBERAL in my views. And, I felt the conditions I placed on myself just drift away and I learned how to live again.

And, by end of 2012 I found my life returning to the upswing that it once had been on, and my attitude was to LOVE and TOLERATE the shit out of naysayers and continue pushing FORWARD despite what seemed a long and dark tunnel. I of course, left the tunnel on my own volition, but I never would have if it weren’t for the message I heard loud and clear.

Thank you Bronies, creators and writers of MLP:FIM, and mostly the creators of BronyDoc, LLC. I contributed to their effort and mostly because I never believed it would surpass my initial view of Bronies, but BOY was I made wrong. A Special Thanks to my fellow role-players who probably secretly thought I had lost my mind. I did but I found it again. Much love to you all.

Buy the video; it just might change your outlook on life and where you fit into the paradigm.

All I can ADD as I wade into 2013 is: Love & Tolerate!/Live Long & Prosper! So far, I’m on Cloud Nine and I intend to stay there.


Your eyes greet mine, they crinkle slightly at the corners…
I feel my heart leap in my chest…
A smile forms on my face, illuminating the sensations~ restless in my core…
Mirroring the smile I see gaining latitude on your beautiful face.

Why does life seem so surreal?
How did the equation become so complicated?
When did the line blur…
Where is this going…will I know when we are there?

Our eyes seem to linger…
The questions in them silent on our lips…
The sounds that once pervaded our ears and drowned our thoughts…
No longer are heard…

The din of the crowd around us…
No longer seems to rabble or rouse…
We exist…they do not…
Our existence is only mirrored in our eyes…

Deep in a gaze of silent overwhelming sound of unknown origin…
Our thoughts perhaps, the questions in a chorus…
The essence of our own hearts beating…

We kiss…

Q & A (Me Thinking, Again)

Me just being random, but great insight especially if you think you REALLY know me and what I’m all about…you probably don’t…

Is there ever a reason to get blinding drunk?

No, but it can happen and usually emotions are at play more than observance of any intellect in the ordering of alcohol. But as for reason or rationality~ there is none. The impact of alcohol on the body and eventually the mind is reason enough never to go the limit. I haven’t since age 25 and have no intention to ever begin again. I’m a social drinker, and mostly to lighten the mood, and inhibit myself a bit in the moment. Like I need the help, anyway.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not really. I think love persists in us as beings. Largely due to upbringing, possibly what we read, and we deem as romantic. I’ve felt tugs here and there but no one has ever hit me like a ton of bricks, made my eyes bug out at first sight. Oh yeah, some guys are so exceptional that you ogle, seem mesmerized and made my heart go pitter-pat, even felt trembly and faint, but then in a fleeting moment like a ship possibly sailing over a horizon they are gone and one is left bewildered. That sorta sounds poetic enough to give justice to believing in ‘love at first sight’, but nah, I think it is simply ruminating on the reality sense that love is something that grows and stays…or doesn’t.

What’s more important – self preservation or forgiveness?

Self preservation. Forgiveness is what you do or say to heal yourself of the bigotry, the hurt or the alienation you sense from the other. But protecting oneself is much more important than that impact of the other person accepting the forgiving nature of yourself. Case in point, I’ve been hurt recently by a friend and her biggest squeal was I misunderstood, and clearly I didn’t, but the more I told her I forgave her but would never forget the incident…the more she insulted, lied to others, and berated me. Eventually, I just had to say ‘you’re forgiven do what ye will with that information and move on’. Self preservation…

Hearing, Sight, Taste, Touch, and Smell. The five senses. Which would be the worst one for you to lose, and why?

Sight would be the worst for me to lose. I don’t think I’ve managed to see all the beauty in the world. Although, if I did lose sight, my imagination of course would be enough intact that I could at least imagine but not clarify the reality of what I was missing. None of the senses are something any of us wish to lose, but certainly not sight.

If you could change one moment in your past, what would it be?

None of it, as the past is either there to remind me of errors or pleasures. Removing one iota would upset the challenges I face today or tomorrow. At my age beginning the learning process over without my extensive manual would be overwhelming. I accept all the errors, but embrace the pleasures I’ve learned along the way, too; and they have each benefited or complimented one another along the way, as well.

What socially acceptable practice do you disapprove of?

Very few, but bigotry of anyone or anything because you simply don’t understand it or have never attempted to understand something~ totally makes me wonder where you stand in regard to me as an individual. Bigotry to me is accepted by the silence that it induces in our culture(s) those who won’t stand up and say, diversity is accepted here. Without getting into all the standards~ I’m talking about all the standards that we as a global species inflict on one another. There is no standard really, when you consider the infinite possibilities of our DNA alone.

How do you handle confrontations?

Listening, recanting, and explaining my own motives if I’m directly at fault or being accused of fault. Then I try to find a common ground of understanding. If that doesn’t work, then I forgive, forget it (unless it is a personal issue, something I have no control over and irrational) and I always move on.

What would your life be, if it were a movie? Comedy, horror, drama, sci-fi? And who would play you?

A dramatic comedy I’m sure. Some of my life has been a rousing roller coaster of events, and especially lately. With what could have been horrible, but interestingly enough and deliberate on my part smooth sailing with a bit of sadness and mirth mixed. So far I’ve been lucky in life and I really have no idea why, because according to most I meet my ideals aren’t the ideals of my compatriots and I don’t practice religious rites, or hang on to political loyalties…I just exist. Maybe that’s the key. I don’t know, I try to live life the way I see my dog doing so…except I work more than the little Beagle does. Who would play me? Hmmmm…Lyndsay Lohan, maybe. LOL

What is good and what is evil?

Good? Evil? Two subjects that comprise our religious squelae in this culture and again label or usurp bigotrous ideas. I don’t have a definitive response, and maybe because I’ve never met a truly Good person or a truly Evil person…I don’t know.

If you could invent a holiday, what would it be? What special traditions would take place on that year?

Friends Day and although I think it should be monthly or every day. It is just a holiday to take the time to really tell those who you consider or think of as Friends why it is so. Nothing special, a note, a small token of appreciation for their attention and knowledge of you. We attempt this on Social Networks, but it begs for something more special.

The world will end tomorrow. What do you do today?

Nothing different except make sure I say goodbye to all I love and if most of them are correct and I certainly don’t know or believe it~ I’ll see them on the other side from whatever direction I’ve earned; looking up or looking down. But, I would do nothing special other than that.

How do you view commitment?

I used to believe it was important, but not really. I’ve never really known it perhaps. Commitment to me means going the extra mile, respecting each others ideals, spending time together but without smothering or taking away one another’s individuality. I was apparently wrong…I just worry now about commitments I can manage~ to myself, friends, my son, my son’s family, and my career. Those I understand.

Would you choose to live forever if you had the choice?

It is totally impossible to live forever…only our legacy or what we leave perpetrates the notion we live on. Through our children, and their children. DNA…that is intensively what I leave or my ideals and whatever I taught my child. My memory or his memory of what I was, stood for and thought about. But the body I have now is destined to die, it begins at birth and it is called aging, but we all know it is really death. What lives on is ‘how we lived life’…

What is your weapon of choice?

My wit and if that fails ‘sarcasm’. I wear my heart on my sleeve and so my only recourse is a quick wit and a haughty “I could care less…”

Money, fame, or happiness, you can only have one… what would you rather have and why?

Why so harsh and they all work together to bring what we all seek, eh. Happiness of course, and it took me 50 plus years to realize what brought me happiness and it didn’t include money or fame. Climate. *silly grin*

Do you believe in an afterlife?

I think I’ve covered this, but I don’t know…so I really can’t say I believe in it. I hope I’m mildly surprised and not with hellfire and damnation for not believing, cause that would really suck, but it would explain my reasons for not believing in a cruel god.

Would you rather lead or follow? Why? What role do you see yourself playing out over your life, leader or follower?

My personality test has concluded I’m a Navigator and an Explorer. My primary being that of Explorer. So I neither lead or follow in my opinion, and I’ve since given up the quest of worrying about it either. I don’t expect followers or disciples and I follow when I agree the leader has something of value or interest to tell or show.

Does heartache make you stronger?

No, but it does remind you of what paths not to take, what people not to trust and sometimes it gives others the impression you are bitter. I liken it to ‘heartburn’~ because, I avoid foods that cause it, just like I try to avoid types of people who like their predecessors may have hurt me before.

Do you believe in the possibility of a true friendship between a man and a woman?

I think it is very possible and I have a few friends who are men. I trust them with my woes and worries before most women. But there is always that sexual tug even if you don’t realize it, but I strongly believe that friendship is the bigger factor and how much you want or enjoy the friendship keeps men and women from acting on that tug.

What would a description of your *exact opposite* be like?

My exact opposite is one who judges others irrationally or misunderstands others or who thinks they are superior in every way to others they meet, based on their personal creed, ethnicity, sexuality, and ideals; basically a bigot. They forget they are frail, limited little beings just like the rest of us…and sometimes, just because they believe in the cruel god I mentioned. There I said it…


Looking over my blog as I do on occasion, I realized that September is now nearly over…where does the time go? 

One of my promises to self was to complete at least one entry to this blog every month; and while I’d like to write daily, time escapes me on a more unreasonable level each day, if not passing moment of the day. Procrastination, life endurances, challenges and what have you~ abound. September has been an exceptional month for all the above…

I have only myself to blame [tongue and cheek], as there is no blame in the sense of remorse. The decisions I set in motion in July would catalyze me to action, and possibly astound friends, family and anyone else who was acquainted with me. I know and heard ~ Is she mad, is she crazy, and at one point someone asked, ‘Should I be worried?’ My resounding argument and wishful thinking was to be left alone with the design and plan…those who understood, regarded it as ‘you’re making a statement, you’re Boldly Going…

Of course, I’m speaking of making the move…no longer talking about it, wishing for it to just happen, or the least possible irony of finding a Genie in a bottle on some forgotten beach that would catapault me to this place I now find myself in. Paradise… 

Each and every day I make a trek to somewhere, simply to learn the area, or mark a check on the list of ‘things to do’ as I ready for my new job, acclimate myself with the new area…and I’m amazed. Friends and family members have taken time to give me tours of the area, and complete with history and fond memories they have of their own in regard to Paradise, and their reflections are most prominent in my mind as I attempt to re-travel in my own trek about Pasadena and surrounding areas. I’ve made many a trip in my life-time to California…never once attempted to drive myself around in the traffic and why? No clue…it is as simple as anywhere else I’ve been to in my lifetime and now it is home…

And slowly I find new routes to routine places; and begin to venture beyond the neighborhood where I live and while excercising my trusting dog…as he sniffs out his own agenda each morning and evening; I take in the beauty, the mystique and sense my own agenda for this ‘willful and bold change in my life…’ I still can’t believe it and my dog’s playful tug on the leash is my only reminder [the proverbial pinch I request from time to time]…I’m not dreaming about it, anymore…

What I learned of self in 2011 and the awakening of ‘what have I done with my life?’ set this in motion, although, it had always been there, always coming about in times of stress and checks and balances throughout my life, and more inspiring with each visit to this coast…

The lesson I hope to pass to my son, his wife, and my grand-child. Know yourself, first, and follow your dreams…don’t settle, and certainly don’t allow those who know you least to wager they know what is ‘best for you’ when you, yourself know ‘better’…If you learn that sooner than later…your life will be filled with joy and with no regrets…

And, to my ex…I can only say, Thank you…