Trek Satire

From the Continuum’s Perspective: What Really Happened to the Star War’s Empire and Who was the REAL Hero~

written from the vocal tone and thought process, as if Q [Star Trek] were telling the story~

Han Solo was the true hero in the Continuum’s mind regarding ‘the fall of the Empire’. Oh yes, it has been suggested, written and immortalized that young Luke Skywalker, and later determined to be the genetic link to Darth Voodoo or whatever his name was. And, that a troll named Yoda convinced young Skywalker into taking a flashlight as a weapon and drawing from within himself the power…the ‘force’. Farce is more what we in the Continuum made of this. There is a sucker born every minute and Skywalker proved that.

At first glance, we see our reluctant hero, Han Solo and we have to wonder why he is hanging out with the Abominable snowman, but then it is apparent that Chewie is really a teddy bear of sorts; or perhaps, someone that Han is able to control. Chewie also seems to know his way around the Galaxy~ Far, Far Away, too. Which is a plus, because neither Princess Leah or Skywalker know where they are going, belong or what day it is; and Chewbaca doesn’t care as long as he gets a Scooby snack.

“Poor Han” was the common cry and wail as the Continuum watched in dismay as our hero met his crew. We saw the disappointment, the utter horror that passed across his face and grinned our cheesy grins as we realized our hero was going to make us proud anyway. We also saw the absolute dismay as he met the heroine the first time, sizing her up in her gown, noticing immediately the hair spun into that earphone style that gave one pause and reflection as to whether she could hear, was listening or simply was getting her groove on. Having met Princess Leah, I would have to say probably ‘none of the above’. She would eventually fall for Skywalker, and then the aftermath would cause her to seek millions in latinum for the therapy she would need once realizing he was her brother. Tragedy…after tragedy befell Han’s crewmembers, but he stood tall and courageous despite their inequity for brawn, brains, and genetic fortitude.

Yoda as you recall lived in a cave and had boasted of having been a Jedi Knight or that he trained Jedi Knights. The closest that Yoda ever came to Knights was when he taught dance lessons on Betazoid in a class called “Boogie Knights”. Once he had passed the baton like flashlight on to young Skywalker, Yoda went off to fulfill a life long dream of selling ‘Beanie Babies” to the Ferengi. They held him for ransom however, and he was later set upon Ceti Alpha 3 where he continues to mumble and moan of how he is a Jedi Master. The beetles who live there have made him a social outcast, but on occasioin share food with him when they have a surplus.

Disclaimer: This is fiction. It is a campy, well-intentioned satirical viewpoint from a Trekkie writer. Please don’t threaten, or publicly humiliate yourself by wishing to debate this with me.  Read it for what it is worth~Fun and Satire.


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